\

Heart of Gratitude.

13116030_10209197996895388_664648605670094367_o

I would consider myself a pessimist and I have a hard time looking at the positive side of things. And so, I think there are many things that go unnoticed for me. This year has been tough but I think I made it tougher than it should’ve been. The more I am unaware of the good things around me, the more I magnify the negative things in my life. Which is very unhealthy and toxic.

This year has felt long and difficult. I think one of the hardest years I’ve had. There are certainly many things I wish I did better and things I wish I did or didn’t do. There were many times I can recall where I’ve felt crippled by depression and overwhelmed with burden. But still, I am content. The fact that I am here still drawing breath means there is still fight left in me and I won’t stop fighting now. I think I need to learn to be more appreciative and grateful. I am blessed with much but take for granted much. I hope that as this year ends and a new year begins, I can cultivate a lifestyle of gratitude and positive thinking. But anyways, happy Thanksgiving everyone! And happy holidays!

 

 

Breathing, Moving, Living, etc.

Processed with VSCO with a6 presetProcessed with VSCO with a6 preset

Hello everyone! I know it’s been a while and I feel like I’m always apologizing for not posting often. I’m sorry!

I recently went to an art/botanical garden exhibit and I wanted to share some photos with you guys. Out of everything there, I found the Japanese and Chinese gardens just so stunning! So here are the pictures for that. I hope you guys enjoy!

On another note, lately, I’ve been getting so anxious as the year is coming to an end. I’m so swamped with school but I’m definitely looking forward to the holidays! Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s has always been my favorites. I hope to finish this semester strong and have some fun over the winter. Perhaps travel during the break.

What are you guys doing over the holidays? Any plans? Special events? Let me know!

The Boy and a Wolf.

The boy strolled through the woods where the trees seemed as endless as the ocean. Light spilled through the trees and tinted the trail with warm hues of orange. He had no recollection of how he got there nor who he was. With each step the boy’s eyes lit up in wonder and curiosity. Upon his path was a wolf calmly sitting in front of the boy. Its fur resembled that of ash and its eyes glistened like the sea.

“Excuse me wolf, but would you show me the way out of here?”

There was no answer. The wolf continued to stare deeply at the boy where at this moment—time became still and there was no distinction between reality or dream—every brown leaf that fell from the trees felt ceaseless like the rain.

“It’s okay I’ll just ask another wolf along the way.” The boy shrugged and began to walk passed the wolf.

“I may be a nameless wolf just like any other thousands of wolves. But I can be unique because in your heart, you have the ability to make a wolf like me named.”

The boy turned and met the eyes of the wolf as the gusting winds that spun around them carried off the brown leaves into the very far side of this world.

The Year’s End.

trees
Hello everyone! Sorry I’ve been gone for such a long time. I’ve just been so busy and I just got back from a retreat. Lately, I feel like I don’t know how to start my posts without an apology. I will work on that.

2015 is now officially over and 2016 is here to greet us. Honestly, it feels surreal. It hasn’t hit me yet that the year is done. It feels like it went by way too quickly. Even Christmas and Thanksgiving flew by like it never happened. It’s scary how fast time is flying. Today marks the first day of the new year. I’m sort of nervous but excited to see what it has in store for me. I think 2015 has been really hard. In fact, this year has been a year of real molding and testing for me. I’ve come to see and accept a lot of my struggles, mistakes, and failures. For a long time now, I’ve always gotten so frustrated with myself for messing up all the time. Something about me craved perfection–craved validation through my accomplishments. Little did I know that I was basically setting myself up to an unhealthy lifestyle. It became so refreshing and liberating once I accepted my faults and brokenness and laid them all down. It sounds like a basic fundamental and concept, but at times, I forget. I guess the biggest thing I learned this year is that life is short and the future is not guaranteed. So, treat every moment as if it’ll be my last, and treat every relational interaction as if it’ll be the last time I ever see them again. And the biggest thing I’m anticipating for 2016 is for me to enter into a season of truly being the best version of myself and living out my purpose in fullness. All in all, I’m truly grateful and blessed to have been alive through all of it and to still draw breath to this day.

What are some things you guys are looking forward to/expecting/anticipating for 2016?

December’s Musing.

snow
Hey guys!
I know I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve just been so busy lately, but I’m officially on winter break! It feels so good to relax until I go back for Spring semester. I’ve actually been finished with school since last week but haven’t gotten around posting until now.

To be quite honest, I’ve been very stressed and a bit depressed lately. Something I don’t like to mention about myself is that I experience episodes of depression often. I think I really want to just get away. I’m glad I’m doing a lot of traveling over the winter (which I will post about more later). I really want to just take some time away from my busy routines and responsibilities, but perhaps that means I’m just running away.

It’s really hard to deal with obstacles when they are self-made. I become the writer of my own suffering–where my pen of grief meets the fragile paper of my heart. Dramatic? Yeah, probably but it feels like that a lot of the times. Christmas is just around the corner, a holiday that I’ve always loved, yet joy and excitement is slow to greet me this time around.

I need to push through.

How are you guys doing? How’s December been going for all of you?

Breathe.

Processed with VSCOcam with a6 presetProcessed with VSCOcam with a6 presetProcessed with VSCOcam with a6 presetProcessed with VSCOcam with a6 presetProcessed with VSCOcam with a6 presetProcessed with VSCOcam with a6 presetProcessed with VSCOcam with a6 preset

Processed with VSCOcam with a6 preset

Processed with VSCOcam with a6 preset
Hey guys!

It’s been such a hectic week for me. I realized I’ve been starting all of my recent posts with this sort of introduction. I do apologize for sounding so downcast. Much like the past few weeks, I’ve been studying, studying, and yeah, more studying. Yet strangely, at the same time, I’ve also been consistently procrastinating. Wondering how they can work simultaneously? Yeah, me too.

This weekend, I took a much needed breather and went to the zoo! Thus explains all the pictures! I had tons of fun, relieved much stress, and got a lot off my chest. I also sort of want to make this post rather casual. Less talking, more visualizing. So, please enjoy!

Let me know in the comments below what you guys did over the weekend! It’s always a pleasure interacting with you all and getting to know everyone! Cheers!

A Place of Thoughts.

image
I wonder if people who say, “I know what I’m going to do in life” really do know. I also wonder if finding one’s purpose is the same thing as finding what they love to do. Honestly for me, I feel afraid that I might never know what I want to do. Not that I don’t have any idea or direction, but I wish there was some solid answer I can give myself. I’m at the age now where time runs out and I need to choose–yet I haven’t made one. People always ask me, “What are you majoring in?” and it hurts to tell them that I’m still undecided. Perhaps some sitting and thinking could work but I’ve been doing that for so long now.

I think I’m afraid to choose. If I do, that means I need to stick with it and go down that road, but what if later on it isn’t something that I love? That’s the scary thing about life. Your choices will never be undone–never buried in the layers of the past but rushes over into the present and even the future. The worries suffocate me. If I could just have a concrete answer I would pursue it with every piece of my being. If only, I could know.