I wonder if people who say, “I know what I’m going to do in life” really do know. I also wonder if finding one’s purpose is the same thing as finding what they love to do. Honestly for me, I feel afraid that I might never know what I want to do. Not that I don’t have any idea or direction, but I wish there was some solid answer I can give myself. I’m at the age now where time runs out and I need to choose–yet I haven’t made one. People always ask me, “What are you majoring in?” and it hurts to tell them that I’m still undecided. Perhaps some sitting and thinking could work but I’ve been doing that for so long now.
I think I’m afraid to choose. If I do, that means I need to stick with it and go down that road, but what if later on it isn’t something that I love? That’s the scary thing about life. Your choices will never be undone–never buried in the layers of the past but rushes over into the present and even the future. The worries suffocate me. If I could just have a concrete answer I would pursue it with every piece of my being. If only, I could know.